Categories
Dating

The Dating Plan

Decide

It’s important to be clear with ourselves on what we really want in our life. I was once fat. Back when I was in university, i ate a lot and slept a lot. Which led to the loss of my neck. My neck looked as if it was part of my face. After uni, which was in 2006, I came back to my hometown and realized my health deteriorating. Since then, I have been consistently doing treadmills and lifting weights. Now I feel more confident than ever. All of this happened when I decided. So, it’s the same, we have to decide that we are looking for a partner before anything else can happen. All it takes is a decision.

Define

Defining is the second step. After we’re clear with the direction we’re heading towards, let’s look at the finer aspects of a relationship. Let’s see what we can get out of it. For example, my purpose of going to the gym regularly is to have a well toned body. Good enough for me to fit into any clothing comfortably. I also want to gain a personal self satisfaction where I can approach a conversation with confidence and a positive outlook. Thinking about the outcome keeps me going to the gym consistently. In relationships, we have to also be clear with what we want. Whether it be for fun, security reasons, pride, companionship, etc. Is it for the short run or the long run?

Start Dating

Here’s where the fun begins. We meet our potentials along the line of time and experience all their characters and learn about difficulties while dating. It is also important to be ourselves at all time so that we may see common ground clearly. Whatever it may be, enjoy the time spent and have fun.

Determine the one

My usual weight is 63-65kg. Though it’s normal for a guy my height, a little less and my BMI will show underweight. All I wanted was a six pack, a chest and a pair of muscular legs instead of chicken legs. So I did my research and asked around for methods and equipments to increase the 3 sections of my body. Through trial and error, I developed a workout plan that worked for me. Same goes to dating. When we’ve found someone that likes the same music that we do, likes the same ice cream or watch the same cartoons when we were kids, we know we have a potential partner there.

Maintain Stability

If everything goes well and it follows through, we have ourselves a committed relationship. That’s when maintenance comes in. Like all body builders, I have to keep up with exercising or else my body will deteriorate. I have to do what it takes to maintain the muscles and prevent it from sagging. Here’s an example of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Categories
Dating

Attraction : A Little Bit About It

I believe that most of us have more or less been involved in relationships. Some might find it difficult because the method used is wrong. Let’s ponder upon this phrase ‘Opposites attract’. True? WRONG. Like attracts. To me, chasing after someone is like chasing after a chicken. Desperate enough, the chicken will even ‘fly’ to the rooftop.

The focus here should be on ATTRACTION. Attraction is a law of the universe. Let’s take the law of gravity as an example. If you jump of a building, it doesn’t matter if you are a good person or a bad person, you will fall and hit the ground. Same goes for attraction.

A guru once said to me that ‘attraction is not a choice’. If you are attracted to someone, you cannot choose not to be attracted to the person. No matter how much you cry, pound your fists on the wall or how much time you spend doing something else, you’re still attracted. It’s the same if you’re not attracted to the person. No matter what the person does, how many flowers, soft toys, chocolates, necklace, cards he sends you, you still won’t be attracted to him. Isn’t that right? =)

Here’s another example. A typical ‘Ah Lian’ (a Hokkien term for describing an uneducated Chinese girl) is someone who has her hair permed in several shades of brown dye, wears lots of blings, walks roughly, usually holds a cigarette in a hand and talks loudly. An ‘Ah Beng’ (boy) on the other hand drives the ugliest cars in the world, starts and ends sentences with ‘kanineh’ (a Hokkien bad word), smokes alot, wastes his time in video arcades and has a monkey face.

Now think of a normal guy who is pleasant, polite and who dresses well that wants to ask an Ah Lian out for a date. Can you imagine how different are their worlds? Of course she won’t be attracted to him. An Ah Lian and Ah Beng will always go well together because they are the same. If one day, the Ah Beng boyfriend changes his personality, starts dressing well, walking well surely Ah Lian will find him getting less cool and unattractive.

If you ever find a girl you like, notice her social style, appearance and morals. Compare them to yours. Look at habits and compare them. If there is an area that you need to improve, improve it. Keep up to standard. Learn to be as attractive as you can be. If there is no attraction in the first place, there won’t be any date.

So let’s try to be attractive, rather than working like mad to get a crush to like you. Remember, attraction is not a choice. =)

Meaning of Ah Beng
brilliantly defined

Meaning of Ah Lian
again, defined

Categories
Dating

How to Flirt? The Flirting Guide

The Social Issues Research Center has a detailed article to guide us on how flirting works. It shows what social science can tell you about flirting and how it is done. The webpage is divided into several different topics. We shall look at them one by one.

Why do we flirt?
Here's where the research says that flirting is a part of culture and society in some form all around the world. It is supposed to be instinctive and our brains are actually courtship devices evolved to attract and retain sexual partners

Where to flirt?
Flirting usually takes place at parties, celebrations and social functions.

  • Parties 
  • Drinking Places
  • Learning Places
  • Workplace
  • Participant Sports / Hobbies
  • Spectator Events

In pubs, there are certain rules and restrictions to it. For example, the area around the bar counter is know to be the "public zone" universally. The area where it is acceptable for strangers to initiate conversation. The tables usually indicate a higher desire for privacy. Learning places like university are conducive for flirting as it's easy because of the shared lifestyle and concern of students. The informal atmosphere around is a plus point. In certain companies, flirting around the dispenser/coffee area may be acceptable but others may not like the idea at all. 

Who to flirt with?
2 types of flirting. Flirt for fun or flirt with intent.

i) Fun

You can flirt with more or less anyone. It can actually brighten your day, raise self esteem or even strengthen social bonds. Though it may be harmless fun to some, do take extra care when dealing with married or attached people. Couples differ in tolerance towards flirtatious behavior, so it's important to look out for signs of discomfort.

ii) Intent

Here's where we gotta be choosy. Here are 2 rules that will increase success rate and reduce embarrassment of rejection.

  1. Initiate flirtation with people of roughly the same level of attractiveness as yourself
  2. Don't flirt with people who are unlikely to return your interest.

How to flirt?

The first step of successful flirting is to convey the message that you like someone. To judge whether the attraction is mutual, a combination of verbal and non-verbal skills are required.

i) Non-Verbal

Here are 7 non-verbal flirting techniques.

  1. Eye Contact
  2. Interpersonal Distance
  3. Postures
  4. Gestures
  5. Facial Expression
  6. Touch
  7. Vocal Signals

Our eyes are the most important flirting tool. How we look at another person can make all the difference between a successfu, enjoyable flirtation and an embarrassing encounter. Even from across a crowded room, you can signal interest by holding your gaze for more than a second. If he/she looks back to meet your gaze, you're on. If it triggers a smile, you're on. Distance is important in telling the reaction of the other person towards you. While the other person may be smiling and nodding, his/her real feelings will usually 'leak out' in posture. The same goes to gestures. Women tend to smile more often than men and emotions are shown more clearly in facial expressions.

i) Verbal

  1. Opening Lines
  2. Turn Taking
  3. Talking
  4. Listening
  5. Reciprocal Disclosure
  6. Parting

The best opening lines are always the simple ones like "nice weather today, isn't it?". Awkward ones like "I have only three months to live…" won't really work. Simple ones that nudge gently for a response works much better as it is lighter and not desperate sounding. Try to start a conversation not start a flirtation. Of course for a conversation to work, we need to take turns talking. Look out for signals like when the person starts using meaningless expressions like 'you know'. Certain topics to avoid talking are negativity topics like complaining, or talking bout the bad side of things, over-seriousness, passivity, over-excitement. Compliments are good. Feedback signals like 'hmm', 'aah', 'yeah' are as important too. Humor is a powerful flirting tool. It is almost impossible to flirt successfully or enjoyably without it, and yet it can easily backfire if abused or misused.

The SIRC Guide To Flirting
All of the above are summarised from the link