Part 2 of 3 : How To Answer Online Dating Personals Wrongly

This is the second part of the 3 part dating series on how bad personal ad responses sound like. If this is your first time, you might want to read the first part.

4. ‘Frightening but harmless’

  • Hi my name is Alex 29/m/Los Angeles 6’1″ tall with short Brown hair and hazel green eyes. I will send you a pic of me if you would like me to. Call or E-mail me at xxx-xxx-xxxx [email protected]___.com I would love to hear from you, your a very beautiful woman. It would be a great pleasure to take you out to dinner sometime in the future.

    ‘chemical freak’? Looks like I’m smarter. I have 2 emails that I alternate with, [email protected]__.com and [email protected]___.com

  • I would like to see how great of a graphic artist you are. You send me some pictures of you and I have to guess whether they are real or not. I will do the same as soon as I get a picture of me scanned. If interested, reply back. I am not really looking for a relationship, just some on-line fun for the time being.

    What? He’s gonna get 4 pictures of ‘the finger’ face up, down, left and right.

  • Hi there ..seems like ur wait is over! ’cause I got curious on your profile. Well girls have found me a real macho! but I care a lot for intelligence and honesty! but you you’ve got to see yourself as opinions are benign! My vitals – Male, a Consultant, 26yrs – 6ft. Write to me at [email protected] with your proper mailid and we will carry on from there. But speed is important to me as is confidence, in the reply too! Take care and have a great day or night, depending on when u open this..

    ‘ur wait is over’. The pizza you ordered is here. ‘Yea bro, u got it rite~’

5. Childish Syndrome

  • my sense of humor is rather warped so is you face id f*ck you but i wouldend know which end to stick it in

    No comments.

  • With all due respect, Attractive, Intelligent, and Creative is a little on the unlikely side. Attractive people (I mean model attractive) usually don’t have personalities because they get everything based on their looks. In other words, don’t hold your breath on that one.

    Only losers bash another person to gain self esteem.

  • How are you? Wow, you sure sound like you know what to write in theads and all. But I hope that your ad was not to sound like you have a bighead. Because it sure sounds like you are. But I am sure that you are not. :-) So what’s this crap about how people think you are goth becuase you look pale? There are women in Florida that are more pale than you look. Anyways,I am not making any sense right now becuase of the recent hurricane Floyd fiasco.

    Talk to you soon.. I have some pics if you want some..

    ‘bighead’? It’s pretty dumb to insult and then cover it later with flattery.

6. Missing The Point

  • I am a photographer and looking for people to model for me. PLease click the blue link under sender’s profile to see my ad and then reply or call
    xxx-xxx-xxxx if you are interested…

    Dion

    People join online personals for dating purposes, not to find modeling opportunities.

  • I just have to say I am absoulutely amazed at your ad. I would have wrote the same exact ad aside from being female and your personal things. I moved out to So-Cal about a year and a half ago and I too had that special someone however things didnt really work out like they were supposed to (do they ever?) Anyway I have met a lot of people and made a lot of friendships. You seem like a really nice person and thats an admirable quality out here. I am from back East and I am definately different minded then most of the freaks (oops I mean people out here) Thats not to say I dont enjoy watching them its kind of fun. But anyway I definately enjoy the things you do and would like to have a simple friendship and explore LA(since I havent had that much of a chance to). A little about me Im 6’0 tall, 25 y.o., athletic build, 185 lbs., and Im told Im very attractive in the all american type look (however I dont have that sexy LA bad boy look). So write me back if you are interested and we can go from there. By they way its funny but I too was in awe of the beauty I saw on the drive out here.

    What? Mistress hunting?

  • hi =)

    i saw your ad and i think you’re very pretty

    i am a male film student, i own a digital motion camera, and i want to film a gonzo adult film, which is girls having sex, while clothed guys are there for comedy

    i already have two other pretty girls interested in working with me, and i think you’d make a great addition

    so i am offering to write, direct, and film you in an adult feature, based in the l.a. area

    please write back =)

    Clothed guys watching girls have sex? You must be kidding me. LOL

Part 1 of 3 : How To Answer Online Dating Personals Wrongly

The internet personals dating scene is an online dating system that allows individuals, couples and groups to meet online and possibly develop a romantic or sexual relationship. Generally people get to provide personal information, photos of themselves, then search for other individuals using criteria such as age range, gender and location.

With huge free sites like match.com and Yahoo personals, many people have taken the match making scene online. The advantage lies in the mutual environment that online dating sites provide. Who you want to make contact with is up to you. You get to view others’ profile, and they get to view yours. If they like you, they’ll reply. Same goes vice versa. But the thing is, how do you pull it off without sounding like a tasteless, boring weirdo?

Easy. Learn from experience. Rather it be others’ than yours. Below are 3 of 10 categorized examples of how a failure’s reply sound like.

  1. Disgusting
    • I have a breast fantasy I would love to live out with you, i am willing to pay you to help make it come true, I’m a single white male 5’9″ 150lbs good looking.

      Dude, all you need is a lifetime subscription of ‘Girls Gone Wild’ and a bottle of KY jelly.

    • I am so impressed with you in many ways..the mind which you contain..the subtle curves of your body which is very sexy..and the coy look on your girlish face which I have such an urge to kiss.

      I would be more relaxed just discussing the comments you’re receiving from your personal and the demands of your website as I feel it will be very popular. I will tell you more about myself when I’m sure you have received this email and I see how often you reply. I will send a picture with any replies you offer. I will answer any question or try and supply any wishes you have, no bother to me as to how personal.

      I feel that personal and intimate interaction is so stimulating..Would you like to join an exhibitionist maillist group here in ft worth/texas? I can send you the information if you wish.

      Enraptured,Robg

      Reply so that I know it’s safe to send my picture

      Guys, this is how it goes. Scour profiles. Write to interested ones, giving only as much info as her profile offers. On the other side, she’ll check her responses and reply if she’s interested. There, simple as drinking water.

    • I AM SINGLE. ATTRACTIVE AND 27 Y/O

      YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, HAVE GREAT EYES AND SEEM INTERESTING….

      WELL E-MAIL ME AND WE CAN GO ON FROM THERE..

      BY THE WAY, I LOVE WOMEN IN SHORT SKIRTS, THIGH HIGH STOCKINGS, SUPER HIGH HEELS, MAKES ME THE REAL MAN-!!!!!!

      8 INCHES OF R E A L MAN–!!!!!!!!!!!!

      LOL. You must be Ben Dover. You should be looking for Ilean Dover.

  2. What the..??
    • Now i wonder you so when i read message yours which express all my thinks in my mind Realy i;am here for your rsquest i want you To be with me here in cairo ,EG. thus i send You as you want why am i write to you i think if you like to know me more i’ll be ready to send you the costs to bring here I want you be serious in your talking and as You did as sorry i forget to know you by my self i’am egyptian man work in the field of medicine and my profissional is chemist so I’ve a part-time to be good friends not for fun only but all our wishs in the life.now We hope to start.

      Oh Lord, may this profissional be less confissinal.

    • Wow I can see that u hold a lot gall. Well lets see, u r nice fram what i read and u looking for that right person Well perhaps u had recieved many emails, but I think i believe in meeting couse if we share thoughts we maid become great partnes. Ill sent u my pic after u reply

      fram what i read, u need many lasens to brus up u englis couse u maid risk be singel 4 life

    • HI MY NAME IS JOE AND I AM FROM CHESNUT H-ILL PHILY I AM 6’2″ 29 YR OLD SHORT BLACK HAIR BR EYES JEWISH GAY175 LB I WOULD LIKE VERY MACH TO TO TO YOU BY E-MAIL I ALMOST DOING THE SAME JOB YOU DO I AM AN AUTO CAD DESIGN I AM ORIGIANLY FROM ISRAEL LIVING HERE ALREADY 7 YR SO PLEASE IF YOU WONT TO E-MAIL ME BACK AT *[email protected]___.COM THIS IS MY WORK ADDRESS OR AT HOME WICH WOULD BE BETER EVEN BECAUSE OVER AT HOME I HAVE MY PIC SO I WILL BE ABALE TO SEND IT TO YOU SO [email protected]___.COM SO SEE YOU LATER BYE AND HAVE A GOOD DAY.

      Gay? Jewish gay at 175 pounds? You know, you don’t have to to to put [email protected]___.COM to get an email.

  3. Too Much To Handle
    • Hi my name is dean. i’ve been writing to these adds and I never got A response from any of these adds.Are you going to answer my add back.I’m getting A scanner it is on order at sear.I will send you a pic when I get it could you write me back until I send you A pic.I’m A nice guy but I’m shy until I get to know someone.I like going to the pool,movies driven are best.I haven’t been to a driven in a long time.I like playing on the computer.I’m learning abuot the computer as I go.

      Desperate = no reply. Include everything before answering ads.

    • Just waisting time and saw how much alike we might be, sick and twisted sense of humor..ect. I am a wee bit older than what you specified in your post, but if all you wanna do is email….. well is that such a big deal? You can find a picture and a little about me at my site.

      Schmookipus

      Schmookipus???? LOL!!!!!!!!!! sexyfroggy? huggiewoof?

    • I do fit your bill, to the tee, minus 1 thing. I’m into all cartoons (basically) and dig your humor, but am also in need of a physical and emotional relationship. Nice pic.

      im a design engineer full time, bartender part-time, if you want i’d like to hangout sometime.

      In need of a relationship? (error buzzer goes off) *buzzzzzzzzz…* Yes, you need oxygen, you need food, you need water but NOT a relationship.

Way Too Personal
Lorina’s adventures in the online dating scene

The Result For Getting ‘F’ in English

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner’s:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet
Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the
past two years.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
together in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be
used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having
a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no
miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today — no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed
as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to
it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are
best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
– English well talking.
– Here speeching American.

Laugh Along With GNU
Providing laughs to the working hackers