Using Goats To Understand Politics Easily

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politics

FEUDALISM : You have two goats. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM : You have two goats. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s goats. You have to take care of all of the goats. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM : You have two goats. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else’s goats. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM : You have two goats. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM : You have two goats. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM : You have two goats. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM : You have two goats. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP : You have two goats. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY : You have two goats. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY : You have two goats. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY : You have two goats. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing goats.

PURE ANARCHY : You have two goats. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the goats and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM : You have two goats. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM : You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take piano lessons.

Politics Explained
Steve Jackson’s version

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3 thoughts on “Using Goats To Understand Politics Easily”

  1. MALAYSIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two goats. One goat must be owned by a Bumiputra. The government takes some of the milk from the goat you have, and say that it’s for everyone, but gives it mostly to the Bumiputra. You complain, but the government says you are racist, and if you don’t like it, get out.

    You announce a voluntary general offer for the Bumiputra’s goat. You buy back the goat, and you take both the goats overseas where they appreciate you better.

    The country has not enough goats. Other countries have lots of goats. Bumiputras still don’t know how to get their own goats. They feel they are entitled to get more free goats.

  2. Also, they take some of the milk they taxed from you, and gives it to people so that they can get voted in again.

    Then they say all the government staff is doing a very good job, so everyone gets more milk (except you).

    One high-ranking government minister says, you should be grateful, because in Communism you don’t even get to own goats.

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